Sunday, August 8, 2010
I'm not sure if I should even be feeling this way, but I actually feel a tinge of jealousy, and maybe it's not jealousy, but anger? towards Lynda (and Jesse). Now, I realize that they are both single, and that it is perfectly fair for them to be interested in each other, if they are --- but something about it doesn't feel 'right' to me. I think it's especially because Jesse IS my ex, and Lynda knew us since when we had dated each other, so .. to see Lynda be so close to Jesse makes me feel territorial, even if he is single or not. Like... I dunno, I had already noticed things going on between them since several months back, and it was very obvious to me that Lynda had feelings for Jesse, but I almost feel like it's crossing the line for her to flirt with or make her moves on Jesse--in front of me. But there it always does seem like Lynda looks uncomfortable whenever I am around. Maybe she views me as a threat? Why should I care when I should be completely over him. And if he feels anything towards her, then fine, right? ??
I don't know. I can't deny that I don't like it. I had already had an inkling, but hanging out with them for the first time the other night (Friday) and seeing that it was written all over her face, and Jesse's hard to read signals, made it kind of hard for me to see whether something was really going on or not. But they are hanging out with each other a lot more than I'd like.. and here's the thing. I think that usually I wouldn't mind so much, especially when I didn't mind Lan dating Jesse, because I barely knew Lan, but because Lynda and I know each other, and Lynda seems to act strange or uncomfortable whenever she is around me, makes me think that she doesn't like me for some reason. Probably because I am a threat to her. I know this all sounds vain and egocentric, but I am serious about it. I think it's the truth. I just need to put my emotions aside, and let it be. Who cares, right?
I should be focused on Dan and my relationship anyway. I've just realized though, that I don't really like Lynda, for doing this. She should know better. But why all these emotions over him anyway? He doesn't mean anything to me anymore.
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