Sunday, November 21, 2010
I figured I needed to make a blog or at least blog asap because I have so many thoughts tonight, and I don’t want them to come into mind and then slip away the next day. What I really need to do is start blogging on a daily basis again.
Tonight, I learned that in choosing between being optimistic and being realistic, choose being realistic. Because in being optimistic, you will only wind up becoming disappointed. Not to be pessimistic, but being realistic doesn’t carry with it expectations, and by having expectations, you are only setting yourself up for disappointments. Idealistic expectations.
I desperately need to apply this to the relationship I have with my family. For example, my two sisters. I tend to have expectations, but I guess in a way, that is what I have always known. We as a family have too many expectations of each other. I’m not trying to blame my family or anything, but I do attribute this to being raised and brought up this way. It’s just harder to shake off knowing that that’s exactly how they treat me.
Don’t have expectations. My family is the way they are, and things are unlikely to change. I have only been setting myself up for disappointments when I tie my emotions into the situation. It’s true that I’m the only one in my family who is more ruled by emotion than logic, and it sucks having the rest of the family not understand my ‘needs’ but that’s just the way it goes. I have to suck it up and accept that they are the way they are. If not, I can choose to avoid it altogether. But I have no need to complain.
Dan brought up a very sensible point the other night though. That the reality of my relationship with my family is: they will not start to appreciate me unless I am gone. Living at home with them has become a constant. Because I will always be there. They don’t know how to appreciate me—unless I move out, and they see me only once in a while. They haven’t learned to understand how much I am there—until I am gone. For this reason, I should have even more motivation to get a job that pays well so I can afford to move out and finally become independent from my family. A family that is not very healthy to be around, especially because essentially I don’t even have a functional relationship with them.
And I’m sorry for constantly pouring all my troubles onto Dan all the time. I’ve been so selfish in sharing with him my complaints, emotions, troubles… because no one enjoys listening to problems constantly like that. I haven’t been considerate of his mentality in all of this at all. I vow to try to cut back drastically on doing this to my own boyfriend from here on. I can make it a New Year’s resolution.
Speaking of New Year’s resolutions, let’s make a quick list:
- New blog/design for 2011
- Polish myself for the next step: interviewing, excellent communication skills, networking, listening well, articulating, selling myself--- and of course, telling stories!
- Read, read, read. I’ve been abandoning reading. :[
- Order Star Tribune to come to my door :] Coupons galore!
- Write in my blog. Express myself. Reflect. Take time to enjoy life.
- Work out for energy (and strength)
- Write down my goals (have goals, short-term and long-term). Stick to it.
- Figure out my life. GET A JOB.
- Learn how to cook, become skillful at poker/blackjack, play the piano
- Re-connect with friends. Reach out.
- Good posture
- Eat healthy / save money
- Remember things about people. Take notes if you have to.
- Don’t forget to have fun! :)
